Triangle of Disempowerment

The Triangle of Disempowerment and Dysfunction

As humans we all have numerous interactions and relationships with other humans.  In those relationships and interactions, we can observe a broad spectrum of personalities, habits, and tendencies in others and possibly ourselves.  Some are extraverts, others are introverts.  Some are out to take advantage or otherwise exploit others, some are too kind and giving.  Some are impulsive with personality prone to addiction while others are overly restrained and uptight.  Political leanings, sexual identity, and trauma history all play into who we are.  Every individual has a number of traits that are too numerous to list here.

When we interact with another, our own unique set of traits comes into play but will manifest differently depending on the set of traits the other individual has.  There is an element of reactivity when interacting with others that often becomes a role.  If one is dealing with a powerful person we might do well to play a more subservient role; if one is dealing with a weak and vulnerable person, we hopefully take on a more protective role ourselves. Our roles often play off other roles.   This segways us into the triangle of disempowerment and its three roles. 

When a person is powerless in life, they often find themselves at one of the three corners of this conceptual triangle.  One corner is the victim, another is the hero, the final corner is the perpetrator.  These labels are not to be taken at face value because the victim is not really a victim, the hero is often not a real hero, and the perpetrator likely isn’t a bad guy.  The triangle is a method to visualize these roles that disempowered people often fall into. Additionally, it is important to mention that these three roles are tied to one another as each relies to some extent upon the other two in a couple of ways. 

Firstly, the victim requires interactions with heroes and perpetrators to solidify his role as victim.  Secondly the victim may temporarily shift into one of the other corners himself in order to provoke others into solidify his own role back to victim.  For example a victim may shift into perpetrator for a moment to passively aggressively attack the hero.  The victim’s hope is to provoke the hero into a retaliation thus pulling him away from his preferred corner and temporarily placing him into perpetrator role.  This pleases the victim as it reenforces beyond doubt his own place as victim while punishing the hero (for being such a do-gooder).  The victim wishes very much to be in the hero’s role himself but convinces himself and others that his personal circumstances won’t allow him to match the hero’s perceived virtue or the perpetrator’s courage.  The importance of being a victim in the triangle of disempowerment is huge for this individual. Firstly, he garners sympathy from others while benefitting from their lowered expectations of him.  Secondly, he can easily explain his own shortcomings and selfishness to himself because after all his life’s circumstances are truly unfortunate, while everyone else has it easy.

The hero corner of the triangle is also disempowered.  As previously stated, heroes are not truly heroes but would like to be so.  A hero seeks approval, accommodates others, and bends over backwards seeking positive judgment from others.  These co-dependent and people pleasing traits are in response to his own low self-esteem and a misguided seeking of validation.  He will have a hard time setting healthy boundaries and having expectations of others.  He will likely hold resentment toward the victim for their passive-aggressive nature. The hero may also have envy for the perpetrator due to their confidence and default aggression.  Strangely enough heroes have difficulty saying “no” to victims, perpetrators, and damn near anyone else.  A hero can easily be provoked by the victim and may be tempted to gravitate to the victim corner himself but will likely be too angry thus temporarily choosing the perpetrator role when dealing with the victim.

The perpetrator corner is the most unapologetically antagonistic corner of the disempowerment triangle.  He is not seeking the approval or sympathy of the other two corners.  He is likely narcissistic, but strangely enough, so are the hero and victim in their own more covert way.  The perpetrator is looking to reverse his disempowerment by attacking the credibility, power, and feelings of others.  He will try to shift blame and accountability away from himself much like the victim, but unlike victims with their passive aggression the perpetrator will behave default-aggressive to accomplish his goal.  He can certainly take advantage of the hero on occasion but is frequently and easily provoked to attack the victim by the victim himself.

When exposed to the triangle of disempowerment people often ask how to determine which corner that they predominantly occupy or perhaps if there is a center position in the triangle that is healthier than the corner positions.  The answer to this is often unexpected; the fact is we need to exit the triangle completely.  The saving grace is that for those self-aware enough to recognize their own disempowerment role, there is a healthy equivalent version, a new fully empowered triangle.       

In this triangle of empowerment, the victim becomes the creator.  He is a doer, problem solver and leader.  Accountability is his key to this role shift.  He abandons his victimhood and begins to take ownership.  What about the disempowered hero on our old triangle?  Instead of being a rescuer, the hero becomes a teacher.  He will set and enforce boundaries while instructing others how to manage their own problems.  He will practice tough love and stop wasting his time on the problems of others.  Meanwhile the old Perpetrator moves into the new triangle by becoming the Sage.  He doesn’t need to be “right” all the time, nor does he respond to the baiting tactics of victims.  The Sage is confident enough to respond intelligently to the negativity of others without reckless reaction. 

With brutal honesty let us meditate on our present role and how disempowering it truly is.  With new awareness my hope is to escape the triangle of disempowerment and begin to thrive.  www.ethosofmen.com has all the links for my propaganda.