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  • Writer's pictureZebulon McCain

Lose the victim mindset, gain the Alpha

The unfortunate reality is that most men do not possess a winning mindset, but instead have a baseline victim mindset. When a man is trapped in a dead-end job, shitty relationship, or other situation that leaves him feeling powerless the victim mindset will frame his reality.

There is a larger social component too; our country is retaining its expectations of men to silently protect and serve while simultaneously withholding appreciation for men and devaluing masculinity. After decades of steadily increased demonization of the male, it is understandable that some men today see only a bleak outlook. Decades of feminist rhetoric telling women “You don’t need a man” has not gone unnoticed by men and boys. Our worth and contributions are ignored while the miracle of the feminine, the non-binary, the asexual etc. are the new ideals (at least by the politically correct virtue signalers). Our masculine hardwiring makes us content as self-sacrificing protectors, builders, and providers, yet we are cast as the bad guys in the contemporary narrative.

Men and masculinity are not obsolete, guys the social campaign is bullshit.

Nobody is looking out for your best interest. Be the first one to do so. The difficult part of shedding the victim mindset is that the taking massive responsibility is the new burden, the one men have been avoiding all this time. It is far easier to continue bitching, complaining, and blaming other factors (society, partner, or bad luck) for our circumstances; or even worse, internalizing this bitterness and remaining silent. We must NOT identify as victims. Nor are we interested in taking part in a “race to the bottom”, the popular trend to compete for greater victim status.

The real problem develops when men exist perpetually in a state of victimhood (a “why me?” mindset). This could be physical health, mental health, addiction, financial or work-related woes that he dumps on a female. Women can “fall out of love” with guys that have lowered themselves on the social dominance hierarchy. Victim mindset guys are needy, unattractive, and they cannot be leaders. Leadership, even if just of ones’ self is a respectable and attractive quality. In my opinion the victim mindset and “nice guy” Syndrome are rampant among guys today. Maybe this contributes to why far more women than men initiate divorce.

The “nice guy” invests disproportionately more (emotional and otherwise) into his woman. This causes him to be more emotionally attached to her than she is to him. In this case, her investment is little, so too is her attraction. She knows that she could do better. Alpha man, however, invest little into his woman (i.e., excessive gifts, pandering or other pleasing behaviors). This is social proof that he does not place her on a pedestal, that he considers his own worth higher than hers. In this case her emotional Investment is greater than his, so too is her attraction. She “feels” his Alpha status and doubts that she could do better. Society tells us the opposite. We supposedly must woo and win a woman, then strive to validate our worth to her. It has been said that when a man puts a woman on a pedestal, she cannot help but look down on him from that pedestal. Consider that visual.

A woman’s primal arousal is subconsciously activated through her own ego. Do not try to praise and admire a woman thinking that type of ego boost will have the desired results (it only conveys low self-value on the part of that male. To trigger her attraction, the ego boost must be different. It must be “felt” through the circumstances that prove her value is higher through alliance with the Alpha male (little if any attention needed from him). He is the prize with genuine social proof and status, making him attractive to her. Women enjoy validation from most men but will be drawn to a dominant high value man for sex. She will likely want the Alpha to use her sexually and to become his ally. This boosts her ego and status in relation to other women and activates attraction for the man that creates that situation for her!

“Nice guys” with their Disney romantic notions would be quick to disagree. I challenge them to analyze the phenomenon of the groupie. Beautiful young women since before the heyday of Johnny Cash go to devious and aggressive lengths to compete with other beautiful young women to gain access to Rockstar cock. Male sports star, famous actor, or really any dude with celebrity status has women lining up wherever he goes (and not for an autograph). According to a November 1991 Los Angeles Times, Magic Johnson says by that time he has had sex with around twenty thousand women. An article on from October ninth, 2008, says that Evel Knievel only fucked a more sensible two thousand women. Yeah, sure I know “all women aren’t like that”, but clearly high value men have a distinct sexual advantage with women.

We must recognize that each of us exists someplace on the social dominance hierarchy spectrum and can move in either direction on that spectrum. This requires genuine self-development. As we know, a man of a more dangerous, masculine, dominant nature and a high value is what creates attraction and an increased sense of femininity in women. Modern guys for the most part do not understand that it is necessary to fight the trend of guy feminization. Be we single (or in a relationship) we must develop into masculine men that are in bold contrast to these other guys. Women (in a relationship or not) use the instinctual shortcut of “social proof” to subconsciously guide their attraction. If a man is desired by other women, then he is attractive to women. If other men respect him or fear him then he is attractive to women. He is high value type of man and will treat people with respect, but not tolerate disrespect.

For a man to truly have the Alpha mindset he must be confident enough to walk away from a female; this weirdly enough makes him attractive to her. A truly powerless man is one that needs a woman more than she needs him. I know this is a tough one for guys to swallow, particularly in these times of so called “gender equality”. When a man is dependent on a woman for any of a variety of reasons, she is by default the leader and the dominant partner (traditionally a masculine role). Now by default, he is her bitch.

A woman that needs her man more than he needs her may be content in that more feminine role and behave in a more pleasing manner. This would be ideal for men and was probably practiced more in the past. However today, thanks to feminist cultural training she will likely be conflicted and in denial. I suspect women feel reluctant to acknowledge just how valuable and needed her man in fact is. The “need “does not specifically have to be financial, but it often is.

Shedding our victim mindset and developing a more Alpha mindset is an underlying theme throughout the Ethos of Men book series.   This has more far-reaching effects than just our interactions with females.  No longer being “needy” means we have a better overall quality of life.  Our physical, and psychological health improves, as we leave that victim state of mind and enter a world of massive positive possibilities.


As always, thank you blog followers! Be sure to check out for links to the podcast, books, swag, etc.

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